...your God is a sick Fuck, Part III

When I decided to make a blog, I didn't really plan on just ranting about God. It's just that I get the most feedback from these, so I figure I'll go with it.

I am going to approach today's episode of "your God is a sick Fuck" a little differently. Today I am going to give you an assignment. Your homework is to pretend that you are going to die tomorrow, and you have a child that will be born today. I want you to write a list of 10 "rules to live by" for that child. The 10 things that you would tell that child to give it the best chance at having a good life. Go do that now, preferably in the comments section. I'll do the same below.

OK here are my rules for my unborn child.

1. Treat people like you want them to treat you. - That one is pretty self explanatory, and I think it should top any sane persons list.
2. Save your money. Once you get your first full time job set that as your "base income", then anytime you get a raise or change jobs for more money put 50% of that raise straight into savings.
3. Learn how to give a woman an orgasm. Really - most dudes can't fuck for shit. I can't tell you how much "referral pussy" I have gotten just because I can make a woman come.
4. Ask for proof. Don't believe shit people tell you with out seeing the proof. If someone tells you that vaccines cause autism, then you should ask for the proof. If someone tells you this pill will make your dick bigger, ask for the proof. If someone tells you God will get pissed off if you fuck a dude in the ass, ask for proof.
5. Learn how to examine evidence. This goes with #4, you have to know how to evaulate evidence.
6. Wear a rubber. I know pussy feels better than latex, but wearing a rubber will keep your ass out of SO much trouble.
7. Don't drink and drive.
8. Take a risk once in a while. Try some shit that you are scared of. I'm not taking about trying to fuck a wolverine, I mean try jumping out of a plane or ballroom dancing or asking a hot chick out.
9. Read. Reading is Fundamental!
10. Read the first 9 things I just said again. Really, it's good advice.

OK hopefully you wrote a list something like mine. It's probably not 100% the same, but it should be pretty close. If it's not close, you are most likely a giant asshole.

Now I want you to write another list. This time I want you to pretend you are starting a religion. I want you to write a list of 10 rules you can give to people that will make your religion grow, give you lots of power, and make you really fucking rich.

So here are my 10 rules for me new religion.

1. This religion is the one true religion. All other religions are fucking bullshit. If you don't join my religion you are a fucking looser and you are going to hell.
2. I am the one true God. Really, don't fuck with me on this one or I will fuck your shit up.
3. Don't even fuck around with pretending there are other Gods. I will set your balls and your children on fire if you fuck with me.
4. My name is really fucking important. Don't let any asshole make fun of me, and you should touch your forehead to the ground anytime you hear my name.
5. You need to come to my church and hear from my priest, Uncle Hatey, at least once a week. And bring you wallet, or you get the hose again.
6. Listen to your parents. They know I am the one true God and they bring their wallets.
7. Don't kill people, unless I or my priest say it's OK.
8. Don't be slinging that cock around. if your out there getting ass, then your not in here listening to Uncle Hatey.
9. Don't steal shit.
10. Don't be a lair.
    

So, any of this remind you of anything?