The Catholic Church is a criminal organization, and you are morally obligated to treat it and it's supports accordingly.

It is clear that the Catholic Church has institutionally supported child molestation. There is no indication that the Church has done anything to rectify this. As such, it is morally obligatory that the Church and all of it's supporters are guilty of child molestation by proxy.

When I was making this proclamation recently, someone challenged me to "fix it". Clearly I can not do that, but there is more that I can do so I will.

I will loudly and publicly explain why the Catholic Church is a criminal organization, and I will explain what the Catholic church and it's supporters can do to redeem themselves.

Part I - Why the Catholic Church is a criminal organization.

There is a preponderance of evidence that the Catholic Church has institutionally allowed known child molesters to be put in situations where they would have access to molest children. Furthermore the Church has institutionally supported protecting child molesters from criminal prosecution. This are criminal act.

The individuals that are guilty of this include the current Pope, and many sitting cardinals and bishops. This is well known and documented. If anyone would like me to lay out the evidence against the Church, I can but what is the point. You've seen it, you know they fuck children.

Part II - What can the Catholic Church do to redeem itself?

I'll lend the Pope a hand. I will highlight the points the Pope needs to hit in a speech he should give that would start the redemption process for the Catholic Church.

1) The Pope needs to admit personal responsibility for 

• Personally moving a known child molester and putting him in a position where he could, and did, molest again.
• Contributing to the authorship of and promoting the enforcement of Church doctrine to protect know child molesters.

2) He needs to submit himself for criminal prosecution in all jurisdictions where he has committed crimes.

3) The Pope needs to instruct the Church to pay for any Medically Efficacious treatment for anyone who can reasonably demonstrate they are victims of  abuse by Catholic Priests. I do not advocate the Church should make financial payments to any victims unless so ordered by a court of law.

4) The Pope needs to modify the recruitment process for priests so to make every reasonable attempt to exclude child molesters from priesthood.

5) The Pope needs to order that ALL Church records be opened to examination by any interested law enforcement agency in order to criminally prosecute child molesters.

6) The Pope should make it clear that he has asked forgiveness of his God, and this process is part of the necessary redemption for his and the Churches actions.

7) The Pope should demand that this process be repeated at every organizational level of the Church guilty of such crimes (including step 8).

8) The Pope should resign.

Part III - What are Catholics morally obligated to do?

1) Stop giving money to the Church until the Church has started to redeem itself.

2) Treat the Church as the criminal organization it is until it has started to redeem itself.


Is there anything I missed? Is there anything else I could do to "fix it"?

...let's play "Stupid or Liar".

Let's say a man running for President of the United States of America says he "didn't inhale". That statement would be an excellent focus for a game of Stupid of Lair.

Now I don't mean to pick of old Slick Willey; almost anything that almost any politician says is likely to meet the conditions of the game, it's just that was the first thing that jumped into my mind.

I'm sure there are thousands of quotes I could have used from W, I just don't want to ruin all the work my brain did to block out any memory of his administration.

Back to Willey; presumably his statement would have us believe that he took a marijuana cigarette in his grubby little hands and moved it to his mouth. He then sucked the thing to get smoke into his mouth, but failed to inhale the smoke into his lungs for some reason.

Now we all take turns stating if we think Willey is stupid or a lair, and then justifying our choice. Of course I gave you an easy one to start with, everyone knows Willey is way too smart to waste a perfectly good doobie. Additionally he has clearly demonstrated his bald faced skills as a wold class liar.

One point for everyone who called Lair.

Now that your warmed up, we'll move on to a harder one.

Given

1. God exists
2. God is good
3. God is both omniscience and omnipotent
4. Evil exists

I want your stupid or lair answers one of the two possible resolutions to the problem of evil. Either "God has the power to eliminate evil, but chooses to allow it's existence" or "God does not have the power to eliminate evil with out destroying free will."

Here are a few points for you to work into your answers.

Heaven: If evil has to exist on earth, does it have to exist in Heaven? If evil does not exist in Heaven, does that mean free will does not exist in Heaven? If I don't have the free will to hunt down Jessica Alba circa "Idle Hands" and rape the living shit out of her, is it really Heaven?

Free Will: Even if God has to allow free will, that is not the same as allowing free action.I bet there exists right now a paraplegic who wants to dance a jig but can not. He has the free will to want to dance, but not the free action to perform that dance. Why can't God give Catholic Priests the desire to fuck little children, but make their dicks fall off before they can whip them out?

Morality: If you were an all powerful God, would you allow Nichols Cage to make "Bangkok Dangerous"? It's is possible there are more heinous violations of universally accepted morality that God has allowed to occur, but I can not think of any at the moment.

God's Omnipotence: If God is really all powerful, then who is making these rules he seems to have to follow? He really could not forgive humanities sins unless he sent his son/self to earth for 30 years, then had his son/self tortured?

God is a sick fuck: If he can stop Nick Cage from making movies, but chooses not to then I have no choice but to deem him a sick fuck. Go ahead and say it, it feels good.

There is the set up, now you go...

let's start a religion

I am a terrible liar.

Well, that is probably not accurate. I think I am a pretty good lair, I just choose to almost never lie.

I have no moral compunction against telling a tie, I see no reason that your are in any way entitled to the truth from me. I don't owe you anything.

The reason I don't lie is because I don't see you as worth the time or effort it would take me to lie to you. Most of the time there is no reason for me to even speak to you. Assuming I find some reason to speak to you, I am sure as hell not going to put in the effort to lie to you. I just don't love you that much.

The point is, I lack the most fundamental of qualifications to start a religion. I have no interest in raising my game as a lair to the levels achieved by profits like Jesus, Moses, Mohammad, John Smith (he really should have come up with a cooler name), or L. Ron Hubbard.

As such, I always though the vocation of prophet-hood would be closed to me. Turns out I was premature in that assumption. I have figured out a way I can be the major prophet of my own religion, and I don't have to lie to anyone!

So I submit for your approval, the major tenants of Uncle Hateyism (this name is still under review. I'm a big ideas man, and as such I can not be bothered with the common drudgery of naming my own religion.)

1. There is no evidence for the existence of any supernatural God.
2. All known religions falsely claim some sort of divinely inspired knowledge of God.
3. Humanity is possessed of enough facility of reason to deduce that both point 1 and point 2 are true.
4. If there exists a God, he has gone to extraordinary lengths to ensure that all above points are true.
5. Given points 1-4, it is safe to assume that if God exists he does not want Humanity to believe in him.

So I'll be basing my religion on those major tenants. I might just narrow them down to #5, as I assume anyone with any sort of intelligence already understands one though four.

There is still a lot of work to do. I still need to write a holy book, or at least get a good start on one. Of course the pressure is really off on that one; I mean we've already established that my holy book can not be divinely inspired, so the quality of writing does not have to meet the high levels of quality prose already established by the religions based on actual gods.

...I hate stupid people, and their god damn Swine flu.

So I guess a major theme I try to hit on in this space is attacking stupidity. Much of my efforts here have been aimed at God because religion is one of the biggest refuges for stupidity in American society.

Today, I am going to attack stupidity as it relates to Swine flu. This may well turn into a bit of a series, as there are lots of aspects of "Swine flu hysteria" that piss me off. In this post I am going to focus on washing your hands.

So I recently had a conversation with a retard about how anti-bacterial soap and alcohol work to kill germs, and create "super-bugs".

The first thing I want to touch on is that the flu is a virus. A virus is a very different animal than a bacteria. I am not going to go into a huge explanation of the differences here, but lets suffice to say that anti-bacterial soap does not kill a virus.

Regular soap and water will do just as good a job of cleaning your hands as anti-bacterial soap and water. Neither will kill flu viruses on your hands, but they will remove the physical media in which the flu virus tends to live on your hands.

Now the stupidity I wanted to address here is the differences between anti-bacterial soap and rubbing alcohol. These two things kill bacteria by two very different methods. Anti-bacterial soap "poisons" 99% (plus or minus) bacteria, leaving alive the 1% that is resistant to the anti-bacterial agent. This 1% then reproduces, and passes on its resistance to its progeny, leaving future generations "stronger". This is bad for us.

Alcohol, however, does not "poison" bacteria. The process by which alcohol kills bacteria is more like a physical action. Alcohol disrupts the bonds of cell membranes causing bacteria to "pop", and this action is not something to which bacteria can become resistant.

So to sum up - If you are worried about flu, be that swine or bird or monkey or slug or sea cucumber varieties, you SHOULD wash your hands. However anti-bacteria soap does not help, and can even make "it" (by "it" I mean bacterial based infections, which no variety of flu is) worse. Alcohol is a much better choice than anti-bacterial soap, but for protection against flu hot water and soap is just as good.

...it's time to give Roman Polanski the chair, and bomb France.

I'm not uptight.

There are lots of "crimes" for which I could see giving a dude a pass. There are even more things that I could see saying "It's been 32 years, why not let it go".

Roman Polanski's situation is not one of them.

This asshole raped a 13 year old girl.

You can read the indictment on TSG here

Why has this fuck been allowed to live in France for 32 years?

...Your God is a Sick Fuck, Part V

I just love this God bashing stuff too much to stay away, so here we go again.

Now I hear a lot of "Sure the Old testament is kind of rough, but that is why Jesus came to earth. The New Testament much more moral."

I would agree that on balance, the New Testament is less horrible than the Old Testament. However, I have actually read the Bible and I am pretty sure that Jesus is just as much of a Sick Fuck as your Old Testament Jew God.

We can start with the idea that God had to send his son (who is really him) to earth to be tortured and sacrificed to absolve us of our sins.

Really?

Who is making these rules? If God is in charge, couldn't he forgive our sins with out the torture part? Is there some cosmic power that out ranks God and demands blood? It's either that, or your newfangled Jesus type God is still a Sick Fuck in my book.

However, I am sure that is not going to convince anyone that God is a truly Sick Fuck. Your already used to the idea of him nailing his son to a cross, so you are going to want more proof.

Today, I'll start with the book of Matthew. We don't have full on insane stories, like we do in Genesis, but we do have some pretty interesting one-liners.

1. Jesus tells a man who had just lost his father: "Let the dead bury the dead." 8:21
2. Families will be torn apart because of Jesus (this is one of the few "prophecies" in the Bible that has actually come true). "Brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death." 10:21
3. Jesus says that he has come to destroy families by making family members hate each other. He has "come not to send peace, but a sword." 10:34-36
4. Jesus warns us not to love our parents or children too much. We have to make sure that we always love him (who we don't even know existed) more than our family. 10:37
5. When Jesus' mother and brothers want to see him, Jesus asks, "Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?" So much for Jesus' family values. 12:47-49
6. Jesus is criticized by the Pharisees for not washing his hands before eating. He defends himself by attacking them for not killing disobedient children according to the commandment: "He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death." (See Ex.21:15, Lev.20:9, Dt.21:18-21) So, does Jesus think that children who curse their parents should be killed? It sure sounds like it. 15:4-7
7. In the parable of the unforgiving servant, the king threatens to enslave a man and his entire family to pay for a debt. This practice, which was common at the time, seems not to have bothered Jesus very much. 18:25
8. "It is not good to marry."
   After Jesus denounces divorce, his disciples say that if divorce isn't allowed, then "it is good not to marry." Jesus agrees by saying that it is better to make yourself a eunuch "for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it." 19:10
9. Abandon your wife and children for Jesus and he'll give you a big reward. 19:29
10. Jesus tells us to "call no man your father upon the earth." Not even dear old dad? How can we "honor our father" if we refuse to call him our father? 23:9
11. "Woe unto them that are with child, and to them that give suck in those days." Why? Does God especially hate pregnant and nursing women? 24:19
12. Jesus compares the kingdom of heaven to ten virgins who went to meet their bridegroom. 25:1
    

This Jesus guy seems like just as much of a prick as his old man to me.

...Your God is a Sick Fuck, part IV

We've covered a number of biblical topics that show if the Bible was really written, transcribed, or inspired by God then he is a sick fuck.

Today, I want to take the idea that if there is a God he is fucked in the head in a new direction.

One of the things I often hear from theists, or deists, is: "Sure the Bible is a load of shit, but just look around you. How would something so beautiful as a giant redwood come into being without God?"

Ladies and Gentlemen; the quickest way to convince me that you are a retard is to say something like that. The answer to that question is evolution by natural selection.

I'm not going to go into a huge science lesson here for a couple of reasons. First of all, fuck that shit. It would take me a long ass time to teach you evolution theory (when a scientist says "theory" he does not mean what you think he means, dipshit), and I don't want to spend a long time typing about topics that do not lend themselves to dick jokes.

What I will do, however, is pretend for a moment that God really did intelligently design the world and all the flora and fauna in it. In doing that, I will have the opportunity to once again point out the fact that if your God really does exist he is most assuredly a sick fuck.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Tarantula Hawk! The Tarantula Hawk is actually a wasp, and if this thing was designed by God, then he is most assuredly a sick fuck.

From the Wikipedia entry for this wasp:

They capture, sting, and paralyze the spider, then they either drag the spider back into her own burrow or transport their prey to a specially prepared nest where a single egg is laid on the spider’s body, and the entrance is covered. The wasp larva, upon hatching, begins to suck the juices from the still-living spider. After the larva grows a bit, it plunges into the spider's body and feeds voraciously, avoiding vital organs for as long as possible to keep it fresh.

I have no desire to meet the God that thought designing that thing was a good idea.

I could go though thousands of examples. From the arms race between cheetah and antelope (if God designed those two animals to run so fast that they constantly break themselves, he is truly an evil fuck), to the Ebola virus. If God really thought this shit up, then he is truly a sick bastard.

As always I welcome your comments. Unfortunately, the comments I do get are written by retards. If you look down at one of my earlier posts, there is a comment that appears to have been written by a monkey.

Hey - click some links while your at it, fuckholes. Maybe Google will give me money if you click a few of those!